The 22-page how-to-order-Starbucks-coffee manual is too much for one writer

"I gave up on the manual when it told me that in addition to milk or cream, I must now also pick from nonfat milk, organic milk or soymilk," writes Mark Patinkin. "And that whatever I order can be enhanced by 11 syrups, including Valencia, Classic and Sugar-Free Vanilla. Kind of makes you long for a Dunkin' Donuts. Except, don't I recall Dunkin Donuts is now pushing cappuccinos and lattes?" (Providence Journal)

Comments

[Melly]

That guy must be getting old and nostalgic for the good ol' days when they made coffee from scraping the oil out of his old jalopy. I guess he hasn't stepped into any other specialty coffee shops, because they basically carry the same array of syrups, sizes and drinks.

The reason Dunkin Donuts has only "plain black coffee" is because they are a donut shop and not a coffee shop. That's like complaining there are too kinds of underwear in an underwear store and comparing it to the small underwear section of a department store.

Also, what is with people claiming they cannot order a plain coffee in a Starbucks? Do any baristas here forbid your customers from ordering coffee? I may ask you to specify a size, but hey, they'll do that at Timmy's too, and whatever cream/sugar you may desire is on the condiment stand. I LIKE it when people order coffee. It saves me alot of work!

[HeIsTooOld]

Couldn't agree more Melly. You can't complain about a shop for doing 'Their Thing'.

I think it's refreshing to have options these days. I think Subway and Starbucks have stumbled onto an interesting and important aspect of the human Psyche.

We like to be in control!

Perhaps it is too much, but the countless ways you can order at Starbucks is what keeps people coming back. They feel starbucks provides them with a product that most closely represents what they want. They don't have to settle for 'Close Enough'.

[kristin]

I don't know if Mark's issue, though, is with the coffee shop itself or just the fact that they have a 22 page "intro to coffee" "instruction manual."

I received this "manual" in the mail, which came with a card so I could write down my favorite drink (so I could remember it??) and a coupon. The coupon was nice. The rest went immediately to the trash. Based on that, I think he's just making fun of needing instructions for ordering coffee (for the record, the 22 page book is about 3" x 3" so it's one picture and sentence per page). :D

As for "simple coffee" none of it's simple anymore. Even Dunkin' Donuts offers lattes and chai now. Though that said, when I'm at my apartment, Starbucks is closest and most convenient (short of making it myself) so I pop in and order my Grande Vanilla Skim Latte. I think most of America is used to that these days...

[barista fly]

um ristretto is not any more intense- it means the shots were pulled early so they are sweeter. same intensity. plus, most of my customers say "large latte with two shots" and we know what the hell they mean.

[dyn]

maybe they need the manual for consitancy { dictionary please!}
sake. If I am going to have a favorite drink I want it the same each time. Not "Oh great the red head is on today, she never gets it like the brunette does" { I would know there names I am sure, it's hypothetical} Do I have to read the manual before I order coffee? Then I don't care.

[this space for rent]

There are just way too many donuts at Dunkin Donuts. Don't get me started on Krispy Kreme.

[Araceli Arroyo]

I prefer having all those choices, and I like saying them too. I must admit I was a bit intimidated the first few times I went into a starbucks. I wanted to know what all the hype was about. I had to let a few people pass so I could witness the art of coffee selection. I am now a pro I may say. I haven't tried all the varioations but have expirimented with a few. Once you find a combitaion you liketrust me you will go back and ask for it again. Who cares about the other choices. I'll have a tall java chip frapuccino with whip! :)

Hrm. I say "I want a large latte with three espresso shots and only about half the toffee nut syrup you normally use," and I seem to get what I want at the end.

I'm assuming the guide is just glossy marketing for people who really like Starbucks, as opposed to an actual manual for first-time customers. Think of it as coffee porn. :)

[dyn]

Coffee Porn!! I love it. You just made my day. The image of all these respectable looking people sneaking Starbucks manuals behind their newspapers and mainstream magazines....and drooling! Ooohhh ...

I love it...

If you read the article you might notice:
"I'll have a grande, quad, ristretto, skinny, dry, cappuccino."

now, doesnt ristretto kind of defeat the purpose of quad.. .in this case the purchaser will get the standard non-fat dry cappuccino

[le j.]

"They feel starbucks provides them with a product that most closely represents what they want. They don't have to settle for 'Close Enough'.
Posted by: HeIsTooOld"

i have waited and baited my time to post on this board,
and i must say, being a real barista, with my porcelain cups and grammatical integrity intact, that it is laughable, nay, incomprehensible, that a starfuck's "barista" would consider themselves true to there craft;
starfuck's doesn't allow a guest to have to settle for close enough because each customer is allowed to douse there over-roasted pungent acidic stale brew with a variety of sugary syrups so as to not have to taste the actual flavor of the shit "espresso" they consider "authentic and custom-roasted for their palate".

people, please realize that you are merely a minion for h. schultz and find a real trade in which to work.

and keep your low-brow customer's out of my store.

thanks!

starfucks, not starfuck's
their, not there
customers, not customer's

. a quad ristretto drink would not be the same as a double drink because the shots taste sweeter

. le j - just because you hate starbucks doesn't mean you have to hate the people that work there. most starbucks baristas are genuinely friendly people that work there because they like the social atmosphere. you however seem like a stuck up snob. maybe that's why people go to starbucks instead of your shop.

Three blocks away resides a Starbucks. Among the retail shops on the ground floor of my apartment building resides a cafe with superior product, both coffee and pastries. Unfortunately, the employees have attitudes that mirror "le j" in this discussion.

The Starbucks often has a line out the door.

Cafe Le J isn't continuing their lease past January.

[le j.]

my oh my, who knew a little dissent could ignite such a litany of virulent words aimed @ moi? my quaint little cafe is absolutely packed day in and day out with people who cherish real coffee and hate starfucks in perfect tandem. i don't hate starfucks employee's, i merely pity them. do they know what a knock-box is? do they know how to steam capp milk (or does that handy "espresso machine" do all the work for ya?)? do they know that an actual macchiato should be no more than 4oz., not 12+oz. and drowned in syrup? yea, that's kinda what i thought...

[le j. need to get laid]

le j.- we know what an actual macchiato is. a carmel macchiato is doused in carmel and is not by definition a macchiato- it is an upside down vanilla latte with carmel. we agree it is silly to call it one. but that doesn't mean you aren't a completly snobby asshole. you are the reason people are intimidated about ordering in coffee shops in the first place. does being a jerk make you feel better about yourself, you pathetic dickhead?

[Le J Sux]

Le J.... I know I'll piss a lot of people off by saying this here but....

Jerking Soda, Frothing Milk, Mixing Martinis, however you like to think of yourself, you are a lowly Counter Jockey.

Making Coffee isn't a career. Not many people at Starbucks plan to have that job beyond their High School or College days.

So why not get off your high horse and get a Real Job.

Do you know what an 'actual macchiato' is? It's the drink You make for Me when I'm on my lunch break. Now get back to your register you Tool.

Now, now Mr. Sux. That isn't very nice. Now he's going to go post angsty emo lyrics in his LiveJournal then run back here to tell you how you're oh so wrong and so on.

And he'll keep telling us, in pargraph after paragraph, how he doesn't care what we think. Because, of course, the way to convince someone that you don't care is to jump up and down and tell them so (after the obligatory post accusing everyone else of doing the same thing).

And then, of course, we'll have to hear all about how he works at the World's Most Fabulous Independent Coffee House That's Always Packed With People Because It's So Popular And Great. Right because the poor kid thinks we're seeing the world through his surgically implanted Internet goggles.

In short, Mr. Sux, please don't insult the counterdroids. Restoring their firmware is a royal pain in the ass.

[DEE]

why do people hate sbux so much? The company employs thousands of people. They are opening more and more stores --that will employ more people. In this economy, where everyone is losing jobs, people would be cheering Sbux for doing something right. They treat customers and employees well. Make a decent product that people want. If that were not true the company would not be successful. If it weren't for Sbux, there would not be any other independant coffee shops. Sbux paved the way for everyone else. That's good.

[Lover not Hater]

DEE, I think the overall discourse on this website (and I am just a newbie) is overwhelmingly positive. I happen to agree with you. Sbux is creating jobs (albeit low paying) and introducing people to a great product. There are some people that hate Sbux, but I was pleasantly surprised to see that they stay away from here (except of course for Le J:)

[DEE]

Low Paying? My 19 year old son works at Sbux. He gets $8.50 an hour plus 2.50-3.00 an hour in tips. He gets health insurance at a very low cost to him (if he works 20 hours a week,which he does). He gets tuition reimbursment, free coffee every week and a big discount on anything he buys, a 401K which the company contributes to, discounted stock. He is actually thinking of getting into managment. Which is $38-45K plus bennies and bonus's. The work enviorment is terrific. That is a decent wage for anyone, in my opinion. He works with people of all ages and walks of life. One person is even mentally handicapped (excuse me if that is n't the pc term.) Two are over 40, several between 19-30. Men, women, gay, straight,black, asian and white. All in all, whats not to like?

[Ray]

As an actual SBUX store manager, I have to say thanks to DEE for her kind words. Many of my employees are using their Barista or Shift Supervisor positions as stepping stones to something bigger and better whether with our company or not. With a company as large as ours, we have much to offer and while it is sometimes very humbling to wear my green apron to work while I serve people in three piece suits, I am reminded of why I like my job every day when that man in the three piece suit gets into his beat up jalopy that he parked next to my shinny new SUV I bought in cash from selling only a fraction of my discounted stock the company gave me. Is money everything? No, but it is nice to have when your daughter tells you she absolutely HAS to go to Stanford. :)

[k]

i started working at starbucks two months ago as a way to get benefits while i'm going to graduate school. most of our partners have their college degrees and/or master's degrees. we work there because we like the benefits and atmosphere. starbucks is a great company who is better to their employees than most employers. i would bet le j. doesn't give his employees health benefits or enough money to raise a family. stop hating. if you don't like starbucks, don't go there.

[Miss America]

I am a Starbucks drinker, and proud of it. Even though it is over roasted, bitter, and could be watered down and still be stronger than expresso. I drown my cofee in about fifteen flavors of syrup, or order ass expanding fraps slathered with artery clogging cream. I love ya Bucks, and more power to your employees, but please don't pass yerself off as an "Independent Cofee House." Bucks is a friggin corporate giant, and drinking their coffee doesn't make you artsy, it just makes you hyper. Keep on truckin' Bucks.

How are they trying passing themselves off as an independent coffee house, Miss Am? Do independent coffee houses where you live routinely publish glossy 22-page marketing manuals?

[Miss America]

Dear No Name:
I am assuming that you are a proud Starbies employee. First of all, I would like to say "You're Welcome." It is my pleasure to routinely pay your salary, or hourly wage for that matter. However I was directly responding to someone ELSE'S comment posting. Secondly, I do not entertain rhetorical questions, but Gracias for asking.

[Anna]

Well...I see nothing wrong with variety! Starbucks does offer drip coffee for the more simple folk...Why go to Starbucks if you're not going to go all out??? There's a gas station down the road ;) Hell I love Starbucks just for the simple pleasure of the aroma! If I'm getting gas, sorry I'll wait..I'm going to Starbucks!

[rich]

*$ can do whatever it wants. They've proven themselves exceptional marketers and this is just one more way to cement their relationships with folks who drink their coffee. Some of us don't appreciate that they're trying to "own" the definitions, but that's another story.

That said, anyone who asks for restretto and isn't drinking it straight up is on a power trip. Once you add anything, including milk, you've missed the point.

Gotta wonder if someone who orders that really does understand the difference. I'd think not.

[The Great Beast]

I travel 150 days a year. I don't have anything like the time to suss out a 'cool independent coffee house' in every city I visit, so I regard the Starbucks sign as a shining beacon of civilisation.

I'm not from America, so I'll never get used to the sour, greenish-brown hot water most 'murricans allow to pass for coffee, especially in the Flyover States. At least in Starbucks it will taste like coffee, with real body, tannin and aroma.

(I only ever drink the drip coffee, however, as most of that barista crap is just heated milk with a shot of coffee in it, and a metric assload of sugar, fat and hydrogenated death.)

Coffee snobs, especially those who fling their loyalties to one side or another of the pro/anti Starbucks debate really need to move out of mom's basement and get some sort of life.

[amr]

You independent coffeehouse snobs should read this before you bitch about Starbucks ruining it for you. Starbucks made you possible. http://www.newyorker.com/talk/content/?030113ta_talk_surowiecki

[Just me]

You people are ridiculous! Who cares how much somebody pays for "their" coffee? Either you're jealous and angry that you can't afford it and secretly wish you could or you just like to rail ass on people for idiotic reasons because you lack something constructive to do? Discussing store policy is understandable but you people cussing and acting so angry over a coofee house is to say the least a little pshyco and disturbes me that their are so many angry people with a vengance for yuppy coffee drinkers. Whether It's a young woman who loves coffee and buys a cup occasionally and enjoys the heck out of it just to do something nice for herself. OR a snobby person who needs to spend money because you have so much.....Who freakin cares, really? They provide jobs and I personally enjoy their coffee and green tea frappucino's so much that YES! I sacrifice and buy It as often as I can. It's a civilezed way to spend $5 and enjoy a nice rest on the patio. Atleast the people leaving there aren't shit faced drunk heading for an open highway full of innocent people on it. A lot of us appreciate a decent cup of coffee while traveling that doesn't taste like roasted dirt that's been sitting on a burner at a gas station for hours! DO I care or even consider angry people like you while I enjoy my coffee? Of course not!

[zue]

what is the most complex coffee order you have every heard?

[dani66]

Well, I am new to this site but I do have to say that I am tired of the P.C. attitude Starbucks has about the names of their coffee, what's up with the CHristmas Blend versus the Holiday Blend? They are the same coffee! Says so on the package so is it going to OFFEND someone so much to buy Christmas blend coffee so they have to name the same coffee HOLIDAY blend? Ridiculous! I am tired of everyone walking on eggshells about the word CHRISTMAS! It IS Christmas! Get over it!

[MGR]

Dani66, here's some education for you:

Some people don't celebrate Christmas. Actually, most people in the world don't. Holiday Blend is a way for people who perhaps would like a blend of coffee with aged Indonesian in it without a christian holiday attached to it. Perhaps Jewish people would like some to give as gifts. I discuss christmas with my jewish friends and customers all the time-- they don't give a crap if people think it offends them, they like shopping too. Did you notice the holiday blend bags are white and blue? That's not by accident.

So, Dani, feel free to hop on the ridiculous red state bandwagon that is striving to smother every other holiday but their own (feel free to smother kwanzaa though, it's a bit much). Wish people merry christmas all you want. If I were christian I'd be more upset that my precious "birth of a savior" holiday was even associated with so much ridiculous materialism and would be thrilled if it was completely erased form the retail lexicon.

I had a customer tell me they were glad we had christmas blend and that they refused to shop at places that used "Happy Holidays" and "Seasons Greetings" in all their marketing. I told them they were foolish and informed them what a bitch it would be to change all the signage after each t'giving, xmas, kwanzaa, chanukah, winter solstice, and new's years. It's much easier to lump them all together under one banner and let people celebrate whatever they want.

[comfort eagle]

I own coffeeshops. I love coffeeshops. I stop in at Starbucks on occasion. They are simply a different version of coffeeshop. Yes they are corporate in a big way but many times I find a nice person behind the counter and the drinks are better than they use to be. I do enjoy seeking out smaller chains as I enjoy the different culures they provide but like McDonalds you always know what the product will be in a bucks. Lighten up guys, coffee is just coffee AND a coffeeshop is alot more than coffee. All snobs need to mellow and enjoy a good drink and a nice atmosphere to enjoy it in.

[-m]

MGR, you don't have to live in a blue state to appreciate and embrace diversity. Democrats didn't invent compassion, and Republicans aren't all Bible beating gun-nuts.
Aside from that comment, I totally agree with you. Starbucks has offered Holiday Blend for many years as an alternative to Christmas Blend. There is a difference between outlawing Christmas and offering an alternative.

[MGR]

I stand corrected. I meant to say bible beating gun-nuts, not red state bandwagon.

[megan]

* In my opinion, the choices and sheer variety that Starbucks offers is what makes it so unique, and popular. You cannot go to just any old coffee shop and request a Light-Iced, Double-Shot, Non-Fat, 8-pump Sugar-Free Vanilla, Extra Caramel, Caramel Macchiatto. However, Starbucks will gladly turn out this drink. Thats what makes them stand apart, their variety, quality, consistency, etc.

* In fact, I really thin it is about time Starbucks started to offer more than just TWO Sugar-Free Syrup flavors. With more and more people becoming health concious, Starbucks should realize that the Sugar-Free Vanilla and Sugar-Free Hazelnut can get somewhat boring. It would be G-R-E-A-T if they could introduce a Sugar-Free White Mocha, Sugar-Free Cinnamon Dolce, Sugar-Free Caramel or Sugar-Free Mocha syrup.I have wrote Starbucks a few times, suggesting my ideas, and they have kindly responded that they will strongly consider my thoughts. So if anyone else who reads this post agrees, please help support my petition, and write or e-mail Starbucks Coffee Company with your requests!

[simon cuthbert]

Poxy company. Why does it take 20 mins to order a simple cup of coffee? And then getting the " rolling eye " treatment from arrogant staff when you enquire " why is this taking so long?"
And before you Starbucks-freaks ask why I don't go anywhere else, the anwer is that this bloody company has in effect closed down all the competition so it's the only place on my route to go.
Has anyone ever looked into their monopoly of this market?

Oh really? Starbucks went to its competition and bulldozed them? Did they go and chain their doors? Did they rob their safes? Did they set up roadblocks to halt deliveries? Did sbux vastly under-price their products like Wal-mart does?

Simon, this tired argument still holds no water. Starbucks doesn't close down its competition, the customers that choose to no longer frequent the local shops do. Capitalism is a bitch, but by no means is sbux a monopoly, it's just convenient.

[J. Campbell]

I would like to have a complete list of Flavors
that Starbucks has to offer.

Thank you
J. Campbell

[Paul]

Can somebody tell me why Starbucks products are so muych better than eveyone else's? Please, no jive about quality of beans and such. I think part of it is in the process-- some of the competitors seem to be using some sort of powder in their mocha. But SB seems to be superior all the way around, and I hate them for it@!

[Biljana]

Hi,

I am doing a case study for Starbucks for my MBA class Critical Thinking. I am doing research regarding HR and personnel at Starbucks, and although I see turnover rate of 65%. I would appreciate if someone could give the reasons WHY PEOPLE LEAVE the company? As it seems from distance, it is the best place to work at, so why would someone want to change? What is it that people need and it is not given to them at Starbucks? Thanx.

[baristadinating]

Most complicated order?

decaf triple venti nonfat 3 splenda extra hot stirred no foam (can't hold the shots silly lady) caramel macchiato with whip cream and extra caramel

Okay I exaggerated a bit on that, but a lady does come in and order something like that (always stirred, why not order a latte?) every day.

[Dani66]

MGR- SOrry been too busy having a life to read your dumb reply to my personal opinion back in November about Holiday versus Christmas blend. Don't know what country you live in but here in the good ol' US of A, 12/25 is officially what we call Christmas, that particular day is Christmas day - every calendar can't be wrong. I don't care who does and does not celebrate Christmas or any other holiday, even the made up ones we DO celebrate here that are just another excuse to party and act like animals. Red state, blue state, pink state I don't care - it has nothing to do with anything. SOunds like I insulted a true-blue Lib. Don't take it so personally MGR, I don't need your type of education.. Thanks anyway. Now, go drink a few cups of coffee

[susan]

I'm trying to name my chocolate/tan male cocker spaniel puppy. We call our little girl "Latte", her full name is "Em's Dark Chocolate Nut Latte". Any suggestions? We call him "Tanner".

[imabarrista]

Well, if you are neutering him, how about Tanner's No Nuts
Chocolate Bar-rista?

[mary gale]

My daughters are always badgering me when I go to starbucks. They say that I buy it all the time. Sometimes I will get them something but they waste it...

heres a helpful tip

~ never buy an ungrateful kid a starbucks

[coffeeguy :)]

I love it when people order just a coffee. Many people are a bit shocked when they realize that there are diffrent blends. Many start to come back for just a coffee when they realize that every week they get a bit diffrent blend to try. :)

Despite what a lot of people say I like starbucks coffee. It has a good variety to it. Mind you any good coffee shop has it's variety of blends though. :)

[April]

I would like a single plum floating in perfume, served in a man's hat. OH, make that twelve to go, one latte, eight chai teas, sixteen yellow snakes in Johnny Depp's blood and a poodle marinated at the full moon in melted leather.