"Honey, put on your Starbucks apron and we'll play naughty barista"

A few days ago I overheard an employee at an Evanston Starbucks telling a colleague: "Don't toss your Starbucks apron; you can get fifty-bucks for it on eBay." I checked eBay and it looks like the guy was a bit optimistic on the price. But one question: Why do non-Starbucks workers buy Starbucks aprons? For gag gifts? For late-night fantasy games? Anyone out there ever buy one? Why?

Comments

[c]

maybe "try this on, son. that's what you'll be wearing if you drop out of college" is more socially acceptable than spanking?

[kellan]

Starbucks is visible cultural icon which a whole set of coded meanings, an apron is a useful prop for a variety of endeavors, I've seen them show up a couple of times in small theater productions for example.

[d.]

Which Starbucks in Evanston was this? Chicago & Main by chance?

[mr. sun]

haiku to mr. sun's barista fantasy:

http://mrsun.us/2004/12/haiku-to-mr-suns-barista-fantasy.html

[Mox]

I worked at Starbucks for a long time (roughly 7 years, all through high school and college). Blah blah blah, I'll save you the details of the politics, backstabbing, and ridiculousness that led up to myself and a number of longtime co-workers being either sacked or quitting, but we all got toghether and had an AWESOME green-apron burning party afterwards. They're not worth $50, but they sure as hell burn nicely!

[Holden McCrank]

My first sexual experience was in a Starbucks. I was 18 and had gone in to get a latte toward closing time. I was the only one there. The barista was kind of cute, and my face flushed gently as our hands brushed as I handed her my Starbucks card. She made my iced frappacino, but as she handed it to me, she slipped on some errant foam on the floor, and as she caught herself, she managed to dump the contents of my drink not just on her apron, but her blouse too. She apologized and went in the back to wash it out. When she came back to the counter I noticed she'd completely removed her shirt, and was now just wearing a lacy black bra beneath her apron.

She laughed when she saw my blushing face. "Ach, 'tis no mahr than whut the gude larhd giv'me," she said. Turned out she was a Scottish exchange student. "'Tis narly cloosin toime ennywhy, an' I doon't think yude cahr noon." She made me a new drink, and I noticed how her firm breasts jiggled slightly as she worked the blender.

Well, one thing lead to another. The doors were locked, the lights were turned out, the blinds drawn, and she took my virginity on one of those comfy leather loveseats. And then again on an overstuffed chair. And once atop the counter, allowing me to squirt chocolate syrup on her body and lick it off. And then again on the floor in front of the counter, knocking over the "Know Your Beans" display as well as a stack of Cranium games.

All the while she kept that apron on. To this day I feel a rush and a warm sensation in my loins whenever I see a Starbucks apron. I never saw my Scottish lass again after that night. I moved away and got married. I tried to spice up my lovelife once. I bought an apron, painted a reasonable facsimilie of the Starbucks logo on it, and also bought an espresso maker. I tried to get my wife to play naughty barrista, but she called me a sick pervert and didn't talk to me for a couple of days.

I await the day Playboy runs a "Women of Starbucks" pictorial, and I still have the apron I made. It's a bit crusty for reasons that need not concern us here. I could use a new one, so perhaps I need to check out ebay.

[Jazer]

Well, I looked at eBay and they are only going for $1 to $2. There are some listed for $15, but no bids. Other specialty Starbucks items are listed for more, but no standard aprons. Seems the $50 is way very optomistic, so much so that anyone who lists them for that much would actually go in the red for not selling the item.

JAZER

[Disintegrator]

Holden,

Fiction or not, that's the best comment evar. I salute you.

--Disintegrator

[STARBUCKS GOSSIP webmaster]

Holden, Playboy has already run a "Women of Starbucks" spread. (See link below.) However, I don't believe "Penthouse Forum Letters: Starbucks Edition" has come out yet.

http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/West/02/28/offbeat.playboy.starbucks.reut/

[miss. barista]

I work at a Starbucks in NC and my man loves the barista fantasy... an apron and highheels makes him even more crazy for me.

[Miss America]

Holden: I will be first in line at your book signing. You're the MAN, brother!

[Denny]

Holden: whoa, funny! Nicely written.

[James]

If anyone is interested..i am a barista selling starbucks comfy chairs and 1/3 the original price..heh...for all those who have a hard time ungluing themselves and wish to take it home!

That had the be the best story about a starbucks ever. Theres just one thing that sticks on my mind; if it was just after close then surely there must have been another partner working with this Scottish exchange student, and it doesnt take that long to count the safe.

Theres thigs guy, well actually, the best adjective I can come up with to describe him is "fucking idiot". He gets for free or heavily discounted starbucks merchandise, starbucks cards, etc., and sells them on eBay. He makes a fortune doing it... However, he finds it necessary to sit there telling the poor barista behind the conuter all about starbucks cards, his last sales, all that stuff for what feels like hours. Any partner in Toronto has probably met him, his name and description isnt even important, if u've met him u know him.

[Lulu]

Well, I'm in Customer Relations in Seattle and I know who you're talking about. He's a frequent caller, always complaining about some poor partner he managed to aggravate beyond belief in his quest for more free stuff to sell on Ebay. Unfortunately, powers greater than me have deemed him "harmless" so I'm afraid you're stuck with him.

[c]

Nice to see that someone monitors my favorite addition.

[Whitemajesty]

Starbucks has been one of my favorite places to enjoy a cup of coffee or whatever I happen to be in the mood for that day. During high school I had many friends who worked for the company. One of them, Kevin, got me hooked on chocolate covered coffee beans. I still have yet to find some covered with white chocolate though (YUM). Through the last year of high school he was my “little Big” brother; younger but so much taller. Anyway, I was so excited when I found out Kevin was getting married. She worked with him and we had hung out together on occasion. They managed to keep their relation ship away from work and then when they got married he got a better job offer while she continued to work there. They have now been married about 5 years and they have a darling little girl. When I go to Starbucks I always wonder, as I sip my drink, how my other friends, that worked there, have been. I have been out of touch since both of the other guys went to Iraq and the girl moved off to college. It’s been about two or three years now. For me Starbucks is a good place for praying. The way I see it; anyone may be having a difficult day or moment. I may not know their name or ever see them again (like my friends) but the Good Lord always hears my prayers. You never know. The next time you visit a Starbucks you may see me sitting in a corner sipping my drink in silent prayer, and it might just be for you!

[Agnes Kwan]

I live in Toronto, Canada and really want a Starbucks Apron, think it's really sexy. Can someone e-mail me and let me know where I can purchase please?

aggie
[email protected]

[pdj]

where could I purchase a red comfy chair?

[Bryan]

Wow, consider yourselves lucky. I work at Starbucks in Long Island, NY as a shift supervisor. After being with the company for 2 years I have seen a couple of crazy things myself. However, I have never seen anything like what you guys describe with some guy who runs around getting free stuff from SBUX and then selling it. I have seen the following though,

-Crazy woman who swears that she see can see and hear things that others can't, dead people, hears voices etc. She also claims that Jesus is her brother and that she was reincarnated to spread the good word. She came in once, took out Happy Birthday stickers and then started handing them out to customers yelling, "Happy Birthday Jesus!!!!" over and over again.

~Crazy man who claims that he was born to entertain. He dances in my store even though we continue to tell him to leave and the police escort him out. He joined a gang and now lives as a homeless man in NYC.

~Angry Mexican men who come in and smash things with their hands... This happened just the other day and when I came over to them and asked them if they were smashing things in my store, his friend said, "Uh, No....He just clapping hands together." I told him that was great and that he and his friend Zeus could leave.

Holden, what a story my friend. I plan on showing everyone at my job the creativeness of your imagination.

Hope you enjoy my stories. Post some more so that I have something to tell my co-workers about.

[coffeeguy :)]

"deaf guy who comes in with a ton of pens and cards and starts passing them out to beg for money he's pretty decently dressed and is clean and well showered. Kind of odd for a begger. He's obviously annoying the customers so I go out there polietly tap him on the shoulder and ask if theres anything I can do to help him. No sign laungage just speach. He shakes his head no. :P I don't think i've ever seen anyone realize that quickly just how stupid he was. He hasn't come back."

[Heather]

I am actually looking to buy one - mostly for the color than it actually saying starbucks on it .. i certainly would NEVER pay $50 for one, though the $1 or $2 isn't a bad price.

[Charlene]

we have a customer known as "crazy French guy" he comes in and either gets a coffee or pellegrino, and then he sits in a chair at the front of my store and yells at each and every customer that enters. sometimes he yells words and sometimes gibberish. he was upset oneday after a bush/Kerry debate and was extra loud and started to throw newspapers at people. i asked him to calm down or he would have to leave (a daily exercise for me). he refused and started call me a gorilla and a communist. i called the police and had him banned from our store. i was applauded by the customers in our store. since then he has been banned from 6 other stores in our area. people are nuts!

[Coffee Slave]

Okay sorry, no one believes the guy about the loss of virginity at Starbucks, right?! Anyone who has ever worked there knows that no one closes the store alone. That was a super lame fantasy, no offense.

[Theolaxor]

Wow charlene we also banned a guy we call the Crazy French guy...weird

[Charlene]

-THEOLAXOR-
Do you work in the northern Virginia market???? If so he could be the same guy. Older, salt'n'pepper hair, drives a new mustang....

[i want an old christmas mug ...]

Anyone have a picture of the pink ceramic christmas tree mug from, i think it was 2004 (or 2003?) remember the one? it was a grande size i think and it was tall an skinnier than most mugs. i just need a picture, or a link to a picture, if you could send either to my email you'd be my hero! thanks

[Crema]

I have to agree about the "loosing my virginity" story at a Starbucks. LAME. Who ever wrote this clearly is unaware of closing procedures.

Having worked in a licensee store in a Supermarket, we had more than our fair share of crazy customers...

First and foremost there's "Crazy Sample Lady" who not only comes in and demands samples EVERY DAY, but requests ice water and steals donuts out of the baker's pastry case. When she does by something she of course needs at least 3 bags, even if it's just chocolate grahams.

Then there are the Russians, who argue in their native tongue over the price every day, and every day decide on a Venti Bold and waddle off to cause God Knows what mischief in the rest of the store.

Then there's the old woman on the motorized cart who would drive around in circles eating samples and fending other people off with her cane

But I think my FAVORITE would have to be the old people who would walk in off of a tour bus, politely ask for a cup, and simply pour the milk from the beverage bar into the cup, ask for a lid, and then wonder off to find freebies at deli.

[Megan]

I would like to buy one to make a pillow for my Starbucks obsessed friend.

[Cassie Lee]

I work at a corportely owned mall kiosk in north carolina, and there's this woman that stops by... i see her in the mall every single day for hours on end, just walking around.... she never says anything to me or any other partners at my store... but, if she sees a sample of something... anything, it doesn't matter what it is... she will push the customers out of the way so she can get a sample... when i started working there, i tried to say hello to her, and she gave me a dirty look and walked away.... its very strange.

[Voyeur]

Was Jim Donald watching Holden by satellite from his office in Seattle? By the end, he couldn't tell the latte foam from that other foam.

[princess-of-starz]

oh come on guys, u no mayb the co-worker that wz workin wid this scottish lass had 2 leave early so she had 2 do it herself, or mayb she was an assistant manager, u neva no, i believe the story & mayb the only reason u dont believe it is because ur jealous thats u didnt lose ur virginity at a starbucks store!

[me]

I needed to be different in school cookery