The announcement of Howard Schultz's return to CEO position included a five-point "transformation agenda." Former PR man "Jack Flack" eyeballs the items and translate them for you. For example...
Starbucks: "Improving the current state of the U.S. business by refocusing on the customer experience in the stores, new products and store design elements, and new training and tools for the Company's store partners to help them give customers a superior experience;"
Jack Flack's translation: "We'll get new, clean sofas, and we'll stop licensing our trademark to every low-budget hotel, airline and government conference center in America. And since we will no longer be opening a new story every 16 minutes, we'll actually be able train staff fast enough to deal with attrition. And yeah, we know this same back-to-basics strategy has already worked very well for McDonald's over the past few years."
I see no humor in this, whatsoever.
Posted by: Sarah | January 08, 2008 at 10:58 AM
That was pretty boring in fact.....
Posted by: FWIW........ | January 08, 2008 at 11:26 AM
I can't say I had too much of a problem understanding Howard's original message. It seemed pretty straight-foward to me, even when reading between the lines, so the content of this "translation" seems a tad bit obvious.
Posted by: Andy | January 08, 2008 at 11:31 AM
Guys, and gals, please, lighten up. This was actually pretty funny I thought. The only reason I think you could find no humor in it, is because it may actually be a little too true. Someone of it was funny, and some of it, actually had some pretty good points. Lighten up, get over yourselves and learn to laugh at yourself a little bit. Sarcasm is funny, as long as it isn't pointed at you isn't it.
Posted by: Ken | January 08, 2008 at 01:20 PM
Those who are not $8/hr. button-pushers ... er ... baristas and have a larger view of Starbucks as a multi-national corporation and investment for its stockholders DO find this humorously satirical. Just as the "build it and they will come" mantra of the dot-com boom proved false, SBUX previously perverted reality of perceived prosperity based on new store openings has had a reality check. Market analysts and investors are loving this. Those who might be displaced by the closing of underperforming stores, understandably, aren't.
Posted by: Big Daddy | January 08, 2008 at 03:18 PM
I really like the third place translation "somewhere quiet to sit where niether your boss or your wife can bug you"
Posted by: Rocky Mountain Barista | January 09, 2008 at 04:38 PM
Funny! It's funny because it's true. I hope Starbucks does well in the future.
Posted by: Kyle | January 10, 2008 at 04:51 PM
I saw this "watering down the brand" coming 4 years ago with music. I love it but it is diluting the culture and feel. As a long time manager who "pours my heart into it", there has been little return. High double comps, still can't hit budget. Haven't made bonus in 3 quarters. remember store is comping double numbers, yet still can't hit sales target. Partners are treated with respect and dignity and managers are situational and commited to the team, which get tips and pay increases for a fun easy job with great benefits. Where is the pay increase to the manager? Is it the one which when you get an annual raise it brings it so that your taxes after the increase actually gives you less then before your increase. Think about that when doing pay increases.
Your managers are the heart and soul, the inspiration to their teams. Take care of them. before you turn any more into "bitter" beans
Posted by: | January 11, 2008 at 01:03 AM